Last weekend, my daughter’s half brother Gianni came to visit us. He’s eleven, spunky, and a fun kid. When we asked what he wanted to do, he basically said that he wanted to see “everything” in New York. That’s a tall order… but we had 4 days to show him as much as we could. I wanted to share some of the scenic photos we took… But more importantly, despite living in New York, I came away with a new perspective on the City. Gian challenged me to remember parts of American history, asked me why I hadn’t tried certain places (instead of going to the same places time after time), and reminded me how important it is live life and explore the world without preconceived notions. I certainly believe that he is an amazing child, but children really do have an uncanny ability to make us see the world in a whole new light.

I took off last Friday to spend with him because my daughter was in school. We went to the Intrepid - an old aircraft carrier turned museum for Fleet Week. Tons of military people flooded the area and the City. Although Gian was fascinated by the old planes and technology, he didn’t see a future for himself in the military. Already at eleven, he felt that he had better options to make an impact on the world. He talked to me about this as we walked across midtown - through the Diamond District, into and out of Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, and even passed the Naked Cowboy. The tour of the United Nations was what peaked his interests. I had remembered how impacted I felt seeing it when I was young - and seeing his face light up when learning about the devastation of land mines, the importance of nations coming to a consensus, and helping protect child was relighting my own torch.

Saturday, all four of us (the teen, the toddler, my husband, and I) took him to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. I forgot to purchase tickets to see the inside of Lady Liberty which disappointed the kids, but it was just as well considering that the line for ticket holders would have taken hours to get through. We took the ferry from Liberty Island to Ellis Island where Gabriel proceeded to throw a major temper tantrum. So, I took Gabriel outside to walk on the lawn while the others saw old passports, learned about immigration to the US, and pondered the lives of their ancestors. After getting back to Castle Clinton, I purchased a Passport to the National Parks for Gianni who was able to get his first stamp. We then lunched at Fraunces Tavern (where George Washington said the farewell to his troops), passed the Bull, the NYSE, and Federal Hall. We then toured Trinity Church before heading back home.

Sunday, my daughter was sick and my husband took the toddler out to see Grandma. So, it was just tween and me. Gian wanted to see Grant’s Tomb and after getting a bit lost in Harlem, we found it and Gian was able to get his Passport stamped again. We trained it down to Central Park where he was amazed at all of the activities, walked past the Vielle Russie (he didn’t understand why he eleven-year-old couldn’t just walk inside), and stopped in both the Apple Store as well as FAO Schwarz. Thereafter, we had fun just window shopping and seeing Rockefeller Plaza.

Monday, my daughter was still feeling lousy, so the boys and I spent the day together. We headed to Floyd Bennett Field for another stamp and Gian learned that the first airport in New York was abandoned because it wasn’t making enough money. Then, we headed to Greenwood Cemetery where he was amazed at the monoliths, vaults, and tombstones of famous people like Louis Comfort Tiffany. It was hard to see him off that evening, but I’m looking forward to him visiting again.

Have you had an amazing experience with a child that enabled you to rethink your life or environment? Tell me about it in the comments!

In early 2007, we purchased a crib and crib mattress from a parent’s group we belong to. The crib was lovely and we figured that the mattress would be okay. The mattress was a Sealy Baby Soft Premium. I was intrigued that it had a lifetime warranty. I put the crib sheets over the plastic cover and life went on. I noticed that the plastic cover was starting to break after a few months. Because we didn’t have the original receipt (Sealy’s website says that you need copies of your sale receipt and bedding law label in order to fill out the warranty claim), we opted to put thick tape over the part that was breaking. Over time that tape was needed all over the mattress as it was being to look shredded. I kept thinking though that we’d find another mattress or move my son over to a toddler bed. We finally bought that bed a few weeks ago and bought a new mattress. Here are the photos of what that mattress looks like now:

Have you had similar experiences with your toddler mattress?

We no longer need the mattress, but I’m really quite surprised that despite the warranty claim the mattress broke apart so much. Would you do anything other than throw it out? If yes, what?

Some of you know that our family goes to the library every few weeks on Wednesdays. It is the only weekday when our library branch is open past 6:00 PM, and it isn’t open on Sundays at all. With two working parents, this night means that we can borrow new books to enjoy. While the vast majority of the books we borrow are for our three-year-old, we also borrow cookbooks, reading books for our teenager (who is a voracious reader), and on occasion books my husband and I read ourselves.

Now, there is a budget shortfall. It was that same budget shortfall that apparently means that there isn’t sufficient money in the budget to make Pre-K available to all children. I digress though — Brooklyn Public Library’s shortfall is $17.5 million. Here’s what’s affected:

• ELIMINATION of as many as 272 positions – that’s one out of every four full-time BPL employees.
• REDUCTION in service to five days a week at most neighborhood libraries – with limited weekend hours.
• PURCHASE of 185,000 FEWER books, DVDs and CDs

If you live in Brooklyn, you can contact your Council Member via the Brooklyn Public Library website.

If you live inside or outside Brooklyn, you can donate:

• Money
• Hardcover and paperback books
• DVDs
• Audiobooks on CD
• Gently-used children’s books

(The BPL does not accept the following: Encyclopedias, Directories, almanacs, yearbooks, Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, Computer/Health/Finance/Textbooks that are greater that 3 years old, single issues of magazines and other periodicals, VHS videos, music CDs, audiobooks on tape, LP records.)

What’s so great about the Brooklyn Public Library anyway?

Not only does the Brooklyn Public Library have books, CDs, and videos to rent, it also hosts various exhibitions, cultural activities, and classes. There’s story time for young children, chess for older kids, poetry workshops, English Conversation Groups (to improve English skills), movies, computer basics, and much more. Because the vast majority of the BPL’s services are free, underserved populations can access resources that are typically out of their reach.  Here are some great examples:

• Most branches have free Internet access. When we’re there, I see students researching for school, writing email, or just exploring what’s out there.
• Skills Training & Employment Project (STEP) - There are various job training, resume writing, and career counseling resources. There was even a Job Resource Fair recently at the Central Library.
• Services for the aging - From books-to-go to books by mail, there are any number of ways for people to get services out of the library and into the hands of people who want to read.
• Literacy and learning to read in English is a focal point though. Reading is Fundamental, Adult Literacy, Pre-GED, and ESOL are all provided as well.

The BPL hasn’t detailed where it is planning to cut its workforce, but programs will surely be affected.

Even if you don’t use the library’s services - this affect you! Here’s why:

Libraries loan out materials. This means that people in the community don’t need to buy the same items themselves. This saves money, trees, space, and other resources.

For example, I took 19 children’s books out of the library this evening. If I had purchased them outright, I would have spent hundreds of dollars and after awhile - my son would have wanted new books. I would then need to consider giving the books away and buying another stack of books. With the library, I can borrow the books, and exchange them when I’m done. Of course, if the library is only open during hours when I am working - I don’t know that I will be able to use it.

Libraries are our community resource. From community meeting places to book lending to services - the value of the libraries isn’t just intangible. We can quantify our community cost saving… and it would significant. So, let’s KEEP OUR LIBRARIES OPEN!

Despite having a number of things to do and write about, an email today from another parent prompted me to write. This mom wrote me and another mom that her daughter was not given a spot in any pre-K that she applied for in the NYC Public Schools. Happily, this mom had already found an alternative option at a religious school, but her rejection bothered me. This woman is a single mom whose child has above average verbal and physical skills — and she’s a good mom who spends considerable time working with her daughter. If her daughter wasn’t admitted - what was the criteria for admission? Could she appeal?

She forwarded me the email she received (I’ve removed her daughter’s name for privacy); so, I’ve included it at the bottom. The letter and process looks similar to the one that the NYC Public Schools follows for admission to both middle and high school. There’s an appeal process and a second round admission process, but let’s face it - this is more than an uphill battle. Once the first round is over, most schools have already been filled - and the City is trying to fill its less desirable schools in the hopes that once a child gets into a school for Pre-K, the parents will just leave the child at the school for later grades. There’s a reason that there are spaces for 12 schools on the application.

I’d like to switch course at this point to ask some relevant questions that need to be examined.

What if a parent cannot afford private pre-K?
While there are many parents across the five boroughs of NYC who can afford very expensive private educations for their children, a large percentage cannot afford less expensive parochial schools. These parents may not qualify for Head Start programs because their income exceeds the boundaries allowed for these programs, but they may be in the lower to middle income brackets - just making enough to get by. Single parents, parents with multiple children, and parents of children with disabilities are particularly disadvantaged.

What if there aren’t spaces at a pre-K in the parent’s neighborhood or at any of the schools that fit the needs of the child?
I started looking for a three-year-old program for my son for the Fall of 2009 in September of 2008. At the time, some of the programs had already been filled. As New Yorkers, we all know that quality day care and preschool are scarce — so parents scramble to get into much coveted tours, fork over large application fees and deposits, and some even resort to hiring professional help. So, it isn’t a stretch when I say that a few months before the start of the school year most programs have long been closed.

Why is this important or relevant?
Even if you don’t have a child this age, don’t live in NYC, or have a child who was accepted - early childhood education has been shown to be extremely important. The earlier a child receives an education, the more prepared that child is for his/her later education. Higher graduation rates, higher future earning potential, lower out-of-wedlock births, and lower arrest rates are  associated with high-quality preschool programs. These are our future citizens, colleagues, and neighbors - we have the opportunity now to help shape who they will be tomorrow.

Secondly, some parents are able to work or receive further education/training because their child is receiving child care. The investment in preschool is relatively small compared with costs associated with public assistance. If a parent knows that he or she can drop a child off at a school for a given period of time, that parent is free to work and contribute to the economy.  It really is a win-win situation for the taxpayer.

There’s a budget shortfall and some programs need to be cut:
While this is a true statement, early childhood education is undervalued. And many children are being left behind because there aren’t sufficient resources to help them and their families get ahead. Isn’t it time that we told our legislators that we believe that all children need an education - even at the earliest levels?

THE LETTER…
Continue reading ‘Friend denied a Pre-K spot in NYC Public Schools. Why?’

This past weekend, my son Gabriel had invitations to two birthday parties. It didn’t fully dawn on me that I would be hosting a similar birthday soiree next weekend until I received an email from Gabriel’s friend’s mom. See Sadie’s mom wrote a blog post on WalletPop about rating her birthday party spending… and it itemized everything. It itemized all of those details that I have neglected to think about since the last time I threw one of these shin-digs.

I really should know better to plan in advance and to think through all of the plans with sufficient time. It is in my genes. My maternal grandmother was the ultimate planner (I have some of her platters to show for it) who loved to entertain. She passed on the party gene to my mom who ensured that I always had a birthday party. And each year since my daughter was a toddler, I have created a themed birthday party for her. In fact, my daughter usually makes fun of how I take themes too far… and try to organize the food, activities, music, decorations, and invitations around a concept. That’s usually where I go overboard and overspend too.

With my daughter, I held parties for her in any number of places from apartment party rooms to Discovery Zone (it was sort of like Chucky Cheese) to a bowling alley to the Prospect Park Zoo. Then, we had various sleepovers.  Next year, for her Sweet Sixteen, she and her friend have been pricing out party rooms in Manhattan. Each of these options was and is expensive. Party spots generally cost per person, have set limits on attendees, and other details are similarly restricted. For example, our neighbors are having their son’s 4th birthday at the Painted Pot (where kids can paint pottery) here in Brooklyn and they’ve lamented that the prices don’t include food and the party is limited to 1.5 hours.

Here are my thoughts then on our options:

LOCATION: So by holding the party in our community garden, we could circumvent the restrictions. Of course, for Gabriel’s first birthday, the weather was great. Last year, it rained and we had to move the party indoors. This year, it is a crap shoot: rain looks likely for this weekend. With outdoor parties, there always needs to be a foul weather alternative. Luckily, we live near the garden… and will just move furniture. If we do go to the garden, there is a suggested donation which we happily know will be used to improve the garden.

PEOPLE: If I thought things out completely and wanted to keep the costs down, I would have limited our guest list. Another set of neighbors had a wonderful party for their son and just invited my son and the other neighbor, and immediate family. It was fun and everyone had a good time. We took the opposite approach though and invited everyone. We generally do… and it looks like we’ll have at least 50 people.

INVITATIONS: This year, we used Evite to send free email invitations. We didn’t have email addresses for kids at Gabriel’s school though so we had to make and print a few. The cost here was negligible.

FOOD: My husband loves to cook. Bless him because cooking is certainly not my thing and he cooks amazingly well. Yet, he learned his lesson with parties: If the cook is busy in the kitchen, he cannot enjoy the party. So, we generally do a few things ahead of time, but make various hors d’oeuvres / appetizer sized portions that people seem to enjoy. For Gabriel’s party, we’ll likely serve healthy foods too - but will make it ourselves. And, my husband won’t have to do it himself. Healthy options: fruit, sandwiches, chips and homemade salsa, salads (bean or green), veggie plate, etc. I’m not a fan of soda, so we’ll serve water (free), juice, and similar beverages… Lastly, we’ll make our cake. It will give me a chance to be creative and I’ll know what is going into it. There are tons of great (free) recipe ideas online and in cookbooks!

SUPPLIES: Paper plates, plastic cups, and plastic “silverware” all get trashed. Unfortunately, we don’t have enough dishes and utensils for all of our guests. I do feel terribly guilty though when I see the mound of trash at the end of each party because I know that it will end up in a land-fill. We’ll have to use throwaway stuff though and it will cost. Generally party stores have discount sections, buying plain stuff in large quantities (ie, not the small cute patterns sets of 8), and keeping leftovers from previous parties cuts down on costs. Happily, we do have some stuff from prior parties and I do have those lovely platters…

ACTIVITIES: Our theme this year is ‘Rock & Roll’. My son loves the Deedle Deedle Dees - and in lieu of hiring them, we’ll be playing their music. I could make my own piñata, but I’ll likely buy one. We have a craft project too, but we’ll see how interested the three-year-olds are in participating. Generally, activities are great at later ages - and necessary to keep the kids focused for some points - but children are amazingly resourceful. Parents (like me) tend to overplan and overspend when kids would just prefer to do whatever it is that they want to do. When possible, I’ve found that taking random stuff from around the house makes great projects (I created a pin the lips on the supermodel out of an old piece of wrapping paper. My mom organized a balance an egg on a spoon in the mouth race. I’m sure some of you remember making forts out of sofa cushions, musical chairs, and freeze dance.) In fact, if you’re looking to save some extra ‘dough’, make a game out of not spending anything on activities…

DECORATIONS: My son is into balloons… so we ordered some. However, my daughter always preferred to decorate herself. We have created streamers and entire scenes with construction paper (one of our walls once became a beach and another time it was a fashion runway). The parents of the girl who had the party on Saturday said that their daughter was able to channel her excitement about her upcoming birthday by creating pictures.

TAKE-AWAY/GOODY BAG: This is a hard one… Kids look forward to leaving the party with a take-away. Personally, I think a craft project and a balloon are more than sufficient, but to reduce cost - one option is to put a few pieces of candy or a cookie in a plastic baggy and tie it up with some ribbon. I’m still unsure of what I want to do, but many well intentioned small toys in goody bags don’t even make it all the way home.

Hmmm, now that I am reading over this list, I realize that I do have a pretty good sense of what we’re going to do. I think my grandmother would have been proud - and my mother will be on hand to ensure that any bumps are smoothed out!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

• What are some of your party throwing tips?
• How do you save money? Reduce trash?
• What are some of the creative things you’ve done?